Lily Learns a Secret
by BeverlyAnna
Summary: An early morning of detention means that Lily is in the Hospital Wing when Remus checks in for the day. She's had her suspicions about his health for years. What better time to address it than now?


Lily Evans was serving her latest round of detention in the Hospital Wing. It wasn't a particularly terrible job, just a tedious one. Lily had been working in silence for the last hour, stripping and remaking the empty beds in the room.

She had moved on to refilling empty potion bottles, and was in the middle of measuring a dosage of Calming Draught when the door to the Wing was slowly pushed open.

The sound immediately caught Lily's attention. She quickly turned her head to the door, eager for even a bit of conversation. She wasn't disappointed.

Remus Lupin staggered into the room, looking quite worse for the wear.

"Hey, Remus," Lily greeted, bounding over to him. "You look —"

"I know," he cut her off, waving her away. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm one hour into my four hours of detention," she said through a dramatic sigh. "But what about you?"

"Just running a little ragged," Remus said. He gave Lily a composed smile, and then dragged himself over to one of her recently made beds. He rolled atop the sheets, and nestled his head into a poorly fluffed pillow.

The ease with which he settled into the hospital surrounding was almost alarming; and it was immediately evident that Remus was a frequent visitor.

"Are you contagious?" Lily asked, though she knew he wasn't.

He gave her a suspicious smirk and assured her, "Not this morning."

"Lovely," she said. She hopped up onto Remus's bed, and then swung her legs around so she was lying down next to him.

"What does Poppy normally do for you?"

"Poppy?" Remus repeated back. "Do yourself a favor and don't let her hear you saying that."

"Speaking from experience?" Lily asked. She turned her head on Remus's pillow, and the two locked eyes.

Hers were a vivid green, vibrant and wide-awake.

His were a murky brown, bloodshot and clouded.

Lily was studying the overwhelming bags beneath Remus's eyes when he said, "Madame Pomfrey runs a very tight ship. And she's very good at doling out punishments if you get on her bad side. But speaking of, where is she?"

"Barring any major emergencies, I've been left in charge for the morning."

"That's a lot of responsibility for someone who's literally in detention," Remus commented. He settled himself further into his pillow and continued, "Last time James and I had detention, we weren't even allowed to touch the trophies we were meant to be cleaning."

"First of all, that's because you and James are a bit of a mess. I'm not sure I'd trust you with breakables either," Lily said, sliding out of the bed. "And to be fair, I don't think Pomfrey was really expecting anyone to be here prior to 6 A.M."

Remus simply blinked at her in reply. He looked like he wanted to say something, but he thought better of it and kept his mouth shut.

When he did speak, it was to quietly say, "There's a cabinet against the back wall, and the second shelf has my name on it. Would you mind…?"

"That's what I'm here for," she said.

It was silent as Lily walked across the room, and Remus allowed himself to close his eyes for a moment.

Lily reached the cabinet, and quickly located the shelf with Remus's name. She took a moment to study its contents –– sleeping draught, potions to help with torn muscles, a potion to realign the skeleton, amongst other things.

"Remus, how much of this stuff do you take?" Lily asked, voice overly concerned.

"All of it," he said, not opening his eyes. "If you bring a tray here, I can pour them myself."

"I've got it," Lily said. Really, she was taking the opportunity to read over the bottles in more detail.

It was no secret to anyone that Remus was a sick kid. He always had been. Though he missed fewer classes in 3rd year than in 1st, he instead looked frailer and more exhausted. He seemed to focus less on healing –– maybe realizing it wouldn't happen –– and more energy into pushing through his pain.

Lily had had her suspicions about his illness. It used to come with excuses each month –– a cold, an ill family member who he had to visit, meeting with professors. Over time, his excuses slowed, as professors and students alike began to accept his absences. Remus was simply the boy with the bad immune system.

Lily had possessed her suspicions about the cause of Remus's sickness. It was too frequent and too regular for her to simply ignore. Still, the primary conclusion she had come to was impossible for her to believe.

For the last year, Lily had been ignoring her suspicions about Remus's condition. But seeing the meds he was taking, she suddenly had no doubts.

With a tray of potions and draughts in hand, Lily walked back to Remus's cot. He opened his eyes as she got there, watching as she once again climbed onto his bed.

Remus sat up a bit, and as he grabbed the tray from Lily, he gave her a weak, thankful smile.

"I know you need to rest," Lily said, attempting to return his smile, "but can I ask you something first?"

He grimaced as he tossed back a draught, but then wearily nodded his head.

Lily found that she couldn't look at him when she spoke. Instead, she reclined herself next to him on the bed and sighed, "Does the transformation hurt terribly?"

Remus nearly choked on the potion he was drinking.

"Sorry," Lily said, quickly sitting up and grabbing the vial from Remus as he coughed, "I'm sorry. Was that out of line?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," Remus stammered, purposefully looking away from her.

"Don't you think you've been keeping this a secret for long enough?" Lily pushed him gently. "I'm not saying that you have to talk to me about it if you don't want to. But I do want you to know that you can trust me with anything."

"Thanks, Lily," Remus said, this time turning to her. His eyes were wary, but he wanted to trust her. And he was sure that if it came down to it, he could. It might be a relief, too. Still, he didn't say anything.

Lily let the silence simmer on for a moment, but then her curiosity got the better of her. "Remus, you don't have to talk about it," she assured him, "but I just want to know if you're okay."

"I'm fine," he said, looking over to her. "Usually."

"But it must be lonely," Lily reasoned.

"It's not always so bad," he answered. "The lads know ––"

"Of course they do, Moony," she cut him off.

Remus balked. "Where have you heard that before?"

Lily shrugged. "I've kind of been looking for clues about what's been going on since first year. I reckon I figured it out about the same time as the lads did, because soon afterwards you'd earned that nickname."

"I told Sirius it was a giveaway," Remus said, though the eye roll he gave was rather affectionate. He got a bit more serious as he followed up with, "You've really suspected this for years?"

"Don't worry," Lily assured him, "I don't think anyone was paying as much attention as I was."

Remus seemed to mull that over for a moment before he picked up another vial and tossed back a foul green liquid. "I can only hope you're right," he said after swallowing. He passed the vial over to Lily, and she placed it and the one she was already holding onto his nightstand.

"Have you told anyone about this?" he asked her.

"Just my diary," she said. "Sorry about that."

"I assume it's charmed?"

"Jinxes anyone who comes within a foot of it," Lily said. "So there's no need to worry that anyone's seen it but me."

"Fine," Remus consented with a nod.

Again, it was quiet. Then, "Lily, you don't think maybe you'd be able to get me notes from Runes? You know, now that I know you know what's going on."

"It would be my pleasure," she answered.

"And do you think that maybe you could keep this between us? Because, you know, the lads and I kind of look at this as a nonchalant thing ––"

"Nonchalant?" Lily cut him off urgently. "What about this is nonchalant?"

"Well, that's kind of the point," Remus said. "It's an intentionally positive view of a negative situation. Sirius thinks that if I look at the transformation as a grand adventure rather than a source of pain, I'll be able to dread it a little less. And he's not wrong. But, I mean, it _is_ painful. Violently painful. Skin being ripped to shreds, bones being stretched and disconnected… It's a mess."

"Remus, I'm so sorry ––"

He waved her away with a rather limp hand. "I'm not looking for pity," he said. "But I'm looking for someone I can talk to about this side of things. Not often. I'm usually fine. But sometimes if it's a particularly bad transformation, it'd be nice to have someone who I know isn't going to take the mickey. And I'd appreciate it if the boys didn't know I was talking to you about it."

"Remus, of course," Lily promised. She reached out her hand to his and gave it a quick squeeze.

"But this doesn't change anything else?" he requested. "I'm still your Charms study partner and the kid you complain to about James?"

"Always," Lily agreed. "I promise, nothing's different. Except I can kind of be on your defensive team now if you need me to."

"I think mostly I'd just appreciate the notes and the listening ear."

"I can handle that."

"Thank you," he said, throwing back the final vial in front of him. He passed that over to her, too.

"Say, Remus?"

"Hm?"

"How have you managed to keep this a secret for so long? It's not like you can very well hide a werewolf in the castle."

Remus grinned, just a bit. "Between us, I'm what's haunting the Shrieking Shack."

"What! Remus, how?"

"It's a trade secret," he said through a groggy voice. "If you keep on my good side, maybe I'll let you in on it eventually."

"Fair enough," she said. "But riddle me this: what's it like to be a wizard, a werewolf, _and_ a ghoul?"

"It's an adventure," Remus growled. "A bloody adventure."

The smirk on his face rivaled one of Sirius's as the sleeping draught kicked in and seemed to quickly carry him away.

Sleep relaxed Remus. It took some of the lines off his face, and when his bloodshot eyes were hidden, he looked quite a sight healthier.

Lily placed a kiss atop his head before sliding out of the bed and walking back to the cabinet where Remus's meds had been stored. She placed the empty vials back where they had come from, and let out a sigh. She was amazed at the strength of this boy. The good humor, and the ability to roll with whatever was dealt to him. She couldn't think of someone she would rather keep a secret for.


End file.
